Tips to be healthy

Team- A simple message to all of us whow are they?------------they are Doctors

Who is he? ------ He is an Actor

Who are these people? They are farmers.....

Fine.. Very Good. What about these guys? Who are they? Guess!!!!

Any Guess !!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah... They are SOFTWARE ENGINEERS.


Don't laugh. Be Aware. It is a global issue now. So, take care ofyourself and your FAT.

To get to a good shape...try to adhere to the following25 tips

WHAT REALLY KILLED RANJAN DAS ( 42 ), FORMER CEO OF SAP INDIA

SAP India CEO Ranjan Das Dies After Gym Workout

Ranjan Das, CEO and MD of SAP Indian subcontinent
died after a massive cardiac arrest in Mumbai on Wednesday.
One of the youngest CEOs, he was 42

What killed Ranjan Das and Lessons for Corporate India



A month ago, many of us heard about the sad demise of Ranjan Das from Bandra, Mumbai. Ranjan, just 42 years of age, was the CEO of SAP-Indian Subcontinent, the youngest CEO of an MNC in India . He was very active in sports, was a fitness freak and a marathon runner. It was common to see him run on Bandra's Carter Road . Just after Diwali, on 21st Oct, he returned home from his gym after a workout, collapsed with a massive heart attack and died. He is survived by his wife and two very young kids.

It was certainly a wake-up call for corporate India . However, it was even more disastrous for runners amongst us. Since Ranjan was an avid marathoner ( in Feb 09, he ran Chennai Marathon at the same time some of us were running Pondicherry Marathon 180 km away ), the question came as to why an exceptionally active, athletic person succumb to heart attack at 42 years of age.

Was it the stress?

A couple of you called me asking about the reasons. While Ranjan had mentioned that he faced a lot of stress, that is a common element in most of our lives. We used to think that by being fit, one can conquer the bad effects of stress. So I doubted if the cause was stress.

The Real Reason

However, everyone missed out a small line in the reports that Ranjan used to make do with 4-5 hours of sleep. This is an earlier interview of Ranjan on NDTV in the program 'Boss' Day Out': Boss' Day Out: Ranjan Das of SAP India.

Here he himself admits that he would love to get more sleep ( and that he was not proud of his ability to manage without sleep, contrary to what others extolled ).

The Evidence

Last week, I was working with a well-known cardiologist on the subject of ‘Heart Disease caused by Lack of Sleep’. While I cannot share the video nor the slides because of confidentiality reasons, I have distilled the key points below in the hope it will save some of our lives.

Some Excerpts:

· Short sleep duration ( <5 or 5-6 hours ) increased risk for high BP by 350% to 500% compared to those who slept longer than 6 hours per night. Paper published in 2009. As you know, high BP kills.

· Young people ( 25-49 years of age ) are twice as likely to get high BP if they sleep less. Paper published in 2006.

· Individuals who slept less than 5 hours a night had a 3-fold increased risk of heart attacks. Paper published in 1999.

· Complete and partial lack of sleep increased the blood concentrations of High sensitivity C-Reactive Protein (hs-cRP), the strongest predictor of heart attacks. Even after getting adequate sleep later, the levels stayed high!!

· Just one night of sleep loss increases very toxic substances in body such as Interleukin-6 (IL-6), Tumour Necrosis Factor-Alpha (TNF-alpha) and C-reactive protein (cRP). They increase risks of many medical conditions, including cancer, arthritis and heart disease. Paper published in 2004.

· Sleeping for <=5 hours per night leads to 39% increase in heart disease. Sleeping for <=6 hours per night leads to 18% increase in heart disease. Paper published in 2006.

Ideal Sleep

For lack of space, I cannot explain here the ideal sleep architecture. But in brief, sleep is composed of two stages: REM ( Rapid Eye Movement ) and non-REM. The former helps in mental consolidation while the latter helps in physical repair and rebuilding. During the night, you alternate between REM and non-REM stages 4-5 times.

The earlier part of sleep is mostly non-REM. During that period, your pituitary gland releases growth hormones that repair your body. The latter part of sleep is more and more REM type.

For you to be mentally alert during the day, the latter part of sleep is more important. No wonder when you wake up with an alarm clock after 5-6 hours of sleep, you are mentally irritable throughout the day (lack of REM sleep). And if you have slept for less than 5 hours, your body is in a complete physical mess ( lack of non-REM sleep ), you are tired throughout the day, moving like a zombie and your immunity is way down ( I’ve been there, done that ).

Finally, as long-distance runners, you need an hour of extra sleep to repair the running related damage.

If you want to know if you are getting adequate sleep, take Epworth Sleepiness Test below.

Interpretation: Score of 0-9 is considered normal while 10 and above abnormal. Many a times, I have clocked 21 out the maximum possible 24, the only saving grace being the last situation, since I don’t like to drive ( maybe, I should ask my driver to answer that line ).

In conclusion:

Barring stress control, Ranjan Das did everything right: eating proper food, exercising ( marathoning! ), maintaining proper weight. But he missed getting proper and adequate sleep, minimum 7 hours. In my opinion, that killed him.
If you are not getting enough sleep ( 7 hours ), you are playing with fire, even if you have low stress.

I always took pride in my ability to work 50 hours at a stretch whenever the situation warranted. But I was so spooked after seeing the scientific evidence last week that since Saturday night, I ensure I do not even set the alarm clock under 7 hours. Now, that is a nice excuse to get some more sleep.

Unfortunately, Ranjan Das is not alone when it comes to missing sleep. Many of us are doing exactly the same, perhaps out of ignorance. Please forward this mail/article to as many of your colleagues/friends as possible, especially those who might be short-changing their sleep. If we can save even one young life because of this email, I would be the happiest person on earth.

GODS OWN COUNTRY

GODS OWN COUNTRY

TASTE OF INDIA

TASTE OF INDIA

THE UNFORGIVEN II-METALLICA

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's opened if you're true
If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you

Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining

[Chorus]
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, just turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

Yeah
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there

[Chorus]
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?

What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

[Solo]

Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes, now I see it

[Chorus]
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, just turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you

What I've felt, what I've known
So sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, cause I'm the one who waits
The one who waits for you


Oh, what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, just turn to stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you

Oh, what I've felt
Oh, what I've known

I take this key (never free)
And I bury it (never me) in you
Because you're unforgiven too!

Never free
Never me
Because you're unforgiven too..
Oo-Oh-Oo

Nothing Else Eatters-METALLICA

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Red Hot Chili Peppers California Cation

Psychic spies from China
Try to steal your mind's elation
Little girls from Sweden
Dream of silver screen quotations
And if you want these kind of dreams
It's Californication

It's the edge of the world
And all of western civilization
The sun may rise in the East
At least it settles in the final location
It's understood that Hollywood
sells Californication

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Celebrity skin is this your chin
Or is that war your waging

Chorus:
First born unicorn
Hard core soft porn
Dream of Californication
Dream of Californication

Marry me girl be my fairy to the world
Be my very own constellation
A teenage bride with a baby inside
Getting high on information
And buy me a star on the boulevard
It's Californication

Space may be the final frontier
But it's made in a Hollywood basement
Cobain can you hear the spheres
Singing songs off station to station
And Alderaan's not far away
It's Californication

Born and raised by those who praise
Control of population everybody's been there and
I don't mean on vacation

Chorus

Destruction leads to a very rough road
But it also breeds creation
And earthquakes are to a girl's guitar
They're just another good vibration
And tidal waves couldn't save the world
From Californication

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Sicker than the rest
There is no test
But this is what you're craving

Chorus

Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It for You Lyrics

Look into my eyes, you will see
What you mean to me.
Search your heart, search your soul.
And when you find me there
You'll search no more.

Don't tell me
It's not worth trying for.
You can't tell me
It's not worth dying for.
You know it's true.
Everything I do, I do it for you.

Look into your heart, you will find
There's nothing there to hide.
Take me as I am, take my life.
I would give it all, I would sacrifice.

Don't tell me
It's not worth fighting for.
I can't help it,
There's nothing I want more.
You know it's true.
Everything I do, I do it for you.

There's no love like your love.
And no other could give more love.
There's nowhere, unless you're there
All the time, all the way.

Oh, you can't tell me
It's not worth trying for.
I can't help it,
There's nothing I want more.
I would fight for you, I'd lie for you,
Walk the wire for you, I'd die for you.

You know it's true.
Everything I do, I do it for you.

Brad Paisley Whiskey Lullaby

She put him out
Like the burning end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
He spent his whole life trying to forget

We watched him drink his pain away
A little bit at a time
But he never could get drunk enough
To get her off his mind
Until the night

He put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
He finally drank away her memory
Life is short
But this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees

We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that says I’ll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

La x 7
La x 7
La x 7
La x 7

The rumors flew
But nobody knew
How much she blamed herself
For years and years
She tried to hide the whisky on her breath

She finally drank her pain away
A little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough
To get him off her mind
Until the night

She put the bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees

We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whisky lullaby

La x 7
La x 7

La x 7
La x 7

La x 7
La x 7

La x 7
La x 7

Buffalo soldier-BOB MARLEY

Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta:
There was a buffalo soldier in the heart of america,
Stolen from africa, brought to america,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival.

I mean it, when I analyze the stench -
To me it makes a lot of sense:
How the dreadlock rasta was the buffalo soldier,
And he was taken from africa, brought to america,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival.

Said he was a buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta -
Buffalo soldier in the heart of america.

If you know your history,
Then you would know where you coming from,
Then you wouldnt have to ask me,
Who the eck do I think I am.

Im just a buffalo soldier in the heart of america,
Stolen from africa, brought to america,
Said he was fighting on arrival, fighting for survival;
Said he was a buffalo soldier win the war for america.

Dreadie, woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Buffalo soldier troddin through the land, wo-ho-ooh!
Said he wanna ran, then you wanna hand,
Troddin through the land, yea-hea, yea-ea.

Said he was a buffalo soldier win the war for america;
Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival;
Driven from the mainland to the heart of the caribbean.

Singing, woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!

Troddin through san juan in the arms of america;
Troddin through jamaica, a buffalo soldier# -
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival:
Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta.

Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy! /fadeout

In 24 Hours Average Human:Interesting Facts

In 24 Hours Average Human:


1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.

2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.

3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.

4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches

5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches

6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids)

7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD.

8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR.

9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE.

10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT.

11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.

12) During SLEEP move 25.4 times.

2010 Honda Fury Unveiled

2010 Honda Fury Unveiled
Meet the 2010 Honda Fury chopper that debuted at the 2009 New York Show

As hard as it is to believe, this is the Honda Fury, recently unveiled at the New York Show. A proper chopper, it uses the motor from the VTX1300. As, er, furious as it looks, the Honda is a clever motorcycle. The seat height isn't actually a slow as it looks, neither as the forks raked out as much as they look. Honda even chose to forego the 240-section rear option to put in a 200 and maintain some handling. The engine itself displaces 1312cc, is liquid cooled and is hung from a chopper-spec frame ith a single disc at each end and, surprise, the fork is adjustable for preload and rebound. That gas tank, by the way, managed to squeeze in about 13 litres of fuel so you could, in theory, travel a fair bit on the Fury.

Here is what Honda had to say about the Fury

It's the chopper you would build for yourself--if you had a factory instead of a garage. Introducing the Fury, a machine that radiates attitude and delivers a total riding experience approaching the outer limits of motorcycling. Welcome to the wild side--of Honda.

With hand-built appearances radical enough to turn every head and catch every eye, only the Fury dares to open the door to the most extreme level of custom looks. But once you're rolling, the Fury experience is all about that special bond between rider and machine: the unmistakable big V-twin pulse, the characteristic Vee engine note and the no-nonsense riding stance bring you back to the core elements of riding.

Destined to become a milestone machine, the Fury captures the pure, undiluted chopper essence, places it within easy reach of nearly every rider and then backs it up with the same quality and reliability built into every Honda. It's a radical concept in a unique package, a combination never before offered--until today.

Features:

- Full-on chopper styling
- Longest wheelbase ever in a production Honda motorcycle
- Muscular V-twin power, sound and feel
- Clean looks, superior attention to detail
- Spacious riding position
- Low seat height
- Single-shock rear suspension features "hard tail" look
- Extra-wide 200-series rear tire
- Slim-look 21-inch front tire
- Legendary Honda fit, finish and reliability
- Unrivaled value

Honda Genuine Accessories* *
Leather Accessories: Custom Rider Seat (multiple designs), Custom Passenger Seat (multiple designs), Leather Front Pouch (Fury logo).
Backrests: Low Sissy Bar Upright, Passenger Backrest Pad.
Chrome Accessories: Rear Fender Panel, Chrome Allen Bolt Inserts (5, 6, 8mm).
Billet Accessories: Master Cylinder Cover, Oil Dipstick, Clutch Cover, Timing Cover, Upper Fork Bolt Cover, License Plate Frame.
Additional Accessories: Boulevard Screen, Braided Lines: clutch, idle/throttle and brake, Front Chin Spoiler (color matched), Front Chin Spoiler LED Light Kit, Outdoor Cover.
(Accessory availability and specifications subject to change without notice.)

**Final items subject to change.

Specifications*

Engine Type: 1312cc liquid-cooled 52° V-twin
Bore and Stroke: 89.5mm x 104.3mm
Compression Ratio: 9.2:1
Valve Train: SOHC; three valves per cylinder
Induction: PGM-FI with automatic enricher circuit, one 38mm throttle body
Ignition: Digital with three-dimensional mapping, two spark plugs per cylinder
Transmission: Five-speed
Final Drive: Shaft
Suspension
Front: 45mm fork; 4.0 inches travel
Rear: Single shock with adjustable rebound damping and five-position spring preload adjustability; 3.7 inches travel
Brakes
Front: Single 336mm disc with twin-piston caliper
Rear: Single 296mm disc with single-piston caliper
Tires
Front: 90/90-21
Rear: 200/50-18
Wheelbase: 1810mm
Rake (Caster Angle): 38.0°
Trail: 89mm
Seat Height: 701mm
Fuel Capacity: 12.87 litres
Colors: Black, Silver, Burgundy, Blue, Matte Silver
Curb Weight†: 300kg

CELEBS MADE OUT OF WAX

CELEBRITIES

MADE

OUT

OF

WAX

Amazing Forkless Bike

Olli Erkkila has designed a bizarre looking bicycle that opts out of using a suspension fork on the front wheel. Though we’re not sure if their is any practical reason for the change, it’s a remarkable departure from the norm. The “Forkless-Cruiser” was made as his graduation project at the Institute of Design in Lahti, Finland.

AUDI CAR WITH NEW TYRES.............................

REALLY GREAT TECHNOLOGY

These tyres are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.

The bad news for the US. Law Enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these tyres.

A. no more air valves.

B. no more air compressors at gas stations.

C. no more repair kits.

D. no more flats.

ULTIMATE SANTA JOKES

Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?

Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya
hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!

Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched
Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!

Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal
main ye andha hai.

Santa: Oye tera vyah ho gya?
Banta: Haan.
Santa: Kuri naal?
Banta: Oye munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan... Meri bhain da hoya si !

Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?

Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab?
Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.

Phone ki ring baji. Santa: Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein ghar
pe nahin hoon.
Jeeto phone pe: Wo ghar pe hain.
Santa: Maine mana kiya that...
Jeeto: Phone mere liye tha!

Santa to Banta: Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs
chahide si.
Banta: Dost hi dost de kam aunda hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar te purse
le aa.

Banta: Wo ladki deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur
hi bolti hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal
kharide hain'

Santa to Jeeto: Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
Jeeto, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! Na jane inhone kya-kya kha
ke dekha hua hai.

Daku Mangal Singh Banta ke ghar mein ghusa aur bola: Sona kahan
hai, jaldi bataao
Banta: Pura ghar khali hai malko, jithe marzi so jao!

A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.

Teacher: Pappu, describe digestive system of a human being.
Pappu: Very simple, it starts with right hand & ends with left hand.

Santa: Tainu tairna aanda hai?
Banta: No
Santa: Tere naalon ta kutte changey ne jehre tair lende ne
Banta: Tenu tairna aanda hai?
Santa: Aaho
Banta: Pher tere te kutte ch ki farak hai?

Santa: Yaar meri aankhein dhang se nahin khulti, koi tarika batao.
Banta: Kisi din achanak apne ghar chale jaao.

Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa
rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey? Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.

I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs

Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!

Santa: Oye, ladki dekh, kitni sohni hai.
Bata: Mujhe to uska naam bhi pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai.
Banta: Mein bank gaya tha, vahan yeh ek counter pe baithi thi, name
plate pe likha tha: Chaalu Khata

Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
Banta: Don't know.
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

Jeeto to Santa: Stop looking at girls, u r married now.
Santa: U mean if I am on diet, I can't look at the menu also?

Santa to Banta: Name 5 animals living in the water?
Banta: 1 Frog.
Santa: Theek hai hor das?
Banta: Frog da praah, bhen, piyo te maa.

Banta: Meri biwi mujhe chod ke chali gayi.
Santa: Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.
Banta: Arre yaar, Sagi behan ki tarah rakhta tha.

Santa drinking heavily in bar gets up n farts loudly. Man next 2
him: Excuse me, but u just farted before my wife.
Santa: Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn

Santa: Qutub Minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Ram Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar me bhi raha karo.

Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE
DUGNA

Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.

Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son..
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the albhabets yet.

Santa's son: Mere papa bahut darpok hain.
Banta's son: How?
Santa's son: Jab bhi road cross karte hain to meri ungli pakad lete
hain aur kehte hain ki chodna mat.

Gal: I think the poorest people are the haapiest.
Banta: Then marry me and we'll be the happiest.

What's an adult joke?
Santa: Any joke which is eighteen years old.

If u call ur mother as MUM what'll u call mother's younger sis &
elder sis?
Santa: Minimum and Maximum

Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se
pehle…
Santa: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.

Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.


Pappu: Dad what's Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school
admission form?

Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi
kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!

Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya
jaa rahi hai?

Santa eats 8 Butter Naan at a party and is suffering from
Constipation.
Praying & crying in Toilet: Hey Wahe Guru....Ya toh JAAN nikal de, ya
NAAN nikal de.

Santa went to a museum where he broke a statue.
Officer: U have broken a 5000 years old statue.
Santa: Thank God, mainu lagga nava si…

Santa: Mein Shimla ja raha hoon, jate hue raaste mein biwi ko khai
mein dhaka de doonga.
Banta: Yaar meri bi le ja, use bhi dhaka de dena.
Santa: Theek hai, agar tu bura na maane use vaapsi pe dhaka de doon?

Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par Kambakht,
Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.

Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.

Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ke tere bapu nu?

Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar
chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi v chad chuke si..

Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air
if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.
Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night.

Boss: I'm giving u driver's job. Starting salary Rs. 3000, is it
OK ? Santa: U R great sir! Starting salary is Ok but how much is
DRIVING salary?

Santa & Banta were looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa: Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Banta:
Aaho, lorry number is also written... BC 1760 !!!.

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves U. It's only when U
send her virgin. -Swami SexaaNand.

Banta: What do you call a wife who is beautiful, intelligent,
understanding, caring, never jealous and a great cook?
Santa: Niri Afwah !!!

Santa to wife: Did u hav any boy friend before marriage?
Wife remain silent.
Santa: Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu?
Wife: Bewakoof ginan tan de.

Santa Radio lekar POTTY karne gaya.
Banta: Aaj toh mazey se ki hogi ?
Santa: Khaak mazey se ki, radio par Jan-Gan-Man aa gaya, khade-khade
karni padi.

Teacher: Asman me udne wali chiz ande deti hai, jamin pe rahne
wali bache deti hai. Kaun hai jo Asman me udti hai par bachche jamin
par deti he?
Santa: Airhostess!

Santa: Dr. saab, I'm suffering from loose motion.
Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai?
Santa: Dr. saab, samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho !

Banta: Life ko kaun zyada achhaa bana sakti hai, Girlfriend ya
Wife?
Santa: WIFE. Bas, honi kisi aur ki chahiye!

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class.
She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports,
Discovery Channel and Pogo!"

Santa: What's the name of ur car?
Banta: I don't know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te
Petrol nal start hundi hai.

Santa, Banta & Bobby were going on a motorcycle. Policeman gives
hand to stop.
Santa shouted: Oye pagal, pehle hi 3 bethe hain tu kahan baithega?

Jeeto: Doctor ne mujhe ek mahine ka aaram aur kisi Hill station
par jaane ko kaha hai, hum kaha jayenge?
Santa: Kisi Dusrey Doctor ke paas!!!

Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga k main mummy ko bina bataye
ghar se bahar ja sakoon.
Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua...

Santa bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank
took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga..

Teacher: Aisi kisi jagah ka naam batao jise banaya to aadmi ne hai
par fir bhi wo wahan par ja nahi sakta? Papu: LADIES TOILET
Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic
inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without d instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

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